While most people will consume alcohol at some point in their lives, there are millions of people who find themselves struggling with an addiction to alcohol, or an alcohol use disorder (AUD). The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration reports that in 2023, nearly 29 million Americans ages 12 and older had an alcohol use disorder.¹

This page will offer insight into what to do if your boyfriend is experiencing alcohol misuse or addiction. We will cover what some of the signs of alcohol use disorder are, how to talk to your boyfriend about your concerns, and what you can do to help him get the care he needs, among other topics.

How to Know If Your Boyfriend Has an Alcohol Addiction

If you think that it might be possible that your boyfriend is addicted to alcohol, do not ignore your instincts. It can be easy to excuse away his behaviors, but not doing anything about it can make the situation far worse than it may already be. Learning what to look for in someone who is struggling with alcohol use disorder can be helpful in making this determination.

Signs You Are Dating Someone Who Drinks Too Much

Some signs that your boyfriend may be addicted to alcohol can include:²

Using alcohol in higher amounts or more often than intended.
Being unable to cut down on alcohol use despite a desire to do so.
Spending a lot of time obtaining, using, and recovering from the effects of alcohol.
Cravings, or a strong desire to use alcohol.
Being unable to fulfill major obligations at home, work, or school because of alcohol use.

It can be easy to overlook vices or negative behaviors when you love someone, especially if that someone is your partner. For many people, realizing that what their boyfriend has a problem with alcohol can feel jarring, to say the least. But, it is important to remember that while you may realize his use is problematic, only a doctor or licensed addiction specialist can diagnose someone with alcohol use disorder (AUD).

If you’re worried that your boyfriend drinks too much, there are ways you can provide support for them while pointing them in the right direction to find help.

How to Talk to Your Boyfriend about Drinking

If you believe your boyfriend has a problem with drinking, know that there are many non-combative, productive ways that you can share your concerns with him. It’s understandable to feel apprehensive about talking with him, especially if you are unsure of where to start, what the best approach is, or how you can share your feelings without your boyfriend becoming defensive. However, one way to ease some of these nerves is to prepare yourself for this conversation. Consider the following tips when talking to your boyfriend about his drinking habits:

Use a non-judgmental, non-combative tone when speaking with him
Wait until he is sober to discuss your concerns
Spend some time educating yourself about alcohol misuse and addiction
Ensure that you have external support, such as a friend, family member, or even a therapist who you can express your feelings with in a safe environment

Once you are feeling prepared, have the conversation with your boyfriend. This is much easier said than done, as you are likely experiencing a wide range of emotions and may even feel overwhelmed. But, having the conversation is imperative and may even serve as the start of your boyfriend’s eventual recovery. Some things you could say to start a conversation with your boyfriend about his drinking habits include:

“I’m concerned about how you behave when you drink because [example].”
“I’ve noticed that you seem to feel bad about [example] when you drink too much.”
“You seem to get sick a lot after you drink and I don’t want you to feel bad.”
“I wonder if you may feel better if you drink less/stop drinking.”
“Maybe we can do something without alcohol this weekend.”

Talking to your boyfriend about his drinking may be a good start to encouraging him to seek treatment or make healthier choices, like quitting use of alcohol. However, denial is one sign that a person struggles with AUD or problem drinking, so he may refuse help, deny that he has a problem, become angry, or lie about the problem.

In this case, you could try learning the CRAFT approach. This training teaches family and friends good strategies for helping their loved ones get treatment.⁴But note that these approaches may work only if a person feels safe with their boyfriend. Unfortunately, alcohol misuse is a major contributor to intimate partner violence.

Intimate Partner Abuse as a Result of Alcohol

Intimate partner violence is a term encompassing misuse of many loved ones, including domestic violence against spouses or romantic partners. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), these abusive behaviors of an alcoholic in a relationship can cause physical, sexual, or psychological harm within the relationship.³

Signs of an Abusive Boyfriend

Common signs of an abusive partner can include:³

Physical aggression like hitting, kicking, or slapping.
Psychological intimidation, belittling, or humiliation.
Forced sexual intercourse or activities.
Controlling behaviors like isolating the person from friends and family.
Restricting access to certain activities.
Monitoring their movements or conversations.

Worldwide, problem drinking is linked to an increased risk of intimate partner abuse. The reduction in self-control, the more intense mood swings, and the potential for an underlying mental illness make people who drink excessively more likely to abuse their romantic partners and more likely to become the victims of this abuse. WHO found that, in the United States, 55 percent of victims of intimate partner violence believed that their partner drank too much before physically assaulting them.

If you don’t feel safe because of your partner’s drinking, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) for free and confidential support.

Alcohol Consumption for Men

Standards of problem drinking are different for men and women. This is largely because men have more water weight and more muscle while women have more body fat; hormonal differences change how alcohol is processed; and women are more likely to have a diagnosed mental health condition, especially a mood disorder like anxiety or depression, compared to men, which increases the risk of self-medicating with alcohol.⁴ For men, excessive drinking levels are different than they are for women:⁵

Heavy drinking is 15 or more drinks per week, or about two drinks per day, for men
Binge drinking is five or more drinks in a two-hour period for men

How to Help a Boyfriend Stop Drinking

Try these steps to approach your boyfriend about his drinking problem:

Learn about alcohol use disorder to talk knowledgeably about the issues; this may include going to a physician or therapist to discuss symptoms
Practice what you will say to him
Pick the right time and place while he is sober
Listen to him with honesty and compassion
Do not enable his drinking – it is important to set clear boundaries on how you will help and when you will not support problem behaviors like drinking too much
Express love and concern
Find some treatment options that may be a good fit for his needs

Talk About the Health Effects of Heavy Alcohol Use

Discussing the acute and chronic consequences of excessive drinking may help. Men are often socialized to be more independent and rational, and to view emotions as weaknesses; adding data to a discussion of treatment can help men feel more in control and understand that they have a problem.

Short-term, or acute, side effects of drinking too much may include:⁸

Increased risk of physical injury from accidents like falling or car crashes.
Risk of becoming a victim of violence, including robbery or assault.
Risk of suicide due to associated mood and behavioral changes.
Risky sexual behaviors, including unprotected sex and infidelity, which could lead to contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI).

Long-term, or chronic, side effects of alcohol addiction can include:⁸

High blood pressure.
Cardiovascular disease.
Mental illness.
Learning, cognition, and memory problems.
Loss of other relationships, including with family members.
Financial issues, including job loss.
Liver damage and failure.
Increased risk of mouth, esophageal, stomach, and liver cancer.
Other digestive issues, including ulcers.

Convincing Your Boyfriend to Accept Help for Alcohol Use

If expressing love, concern, support, and setting boundaries do not convince your boyfriend to seek alcohol addiction treatment, it is important to follow through on consequences. Maintain boundaries; for example, do not give him money when he spends too much on alcohol; don’t make excuses for his behavior to coworkers or other loved ones; and leave the house if he is unsafe to be around.

If he won’t accept help, don’t be confrontational. Try to imagine how you would like to be talked to if you were in your loved one’s shoes. Focus on getting your boyfriend to at least talk to a doctor if he won’t talk to you.

Don’t blame your boyfriend one for the problem. Remember that he has a disease that’s as real as any other chronic disease. So just as with other disease, they need treatment to get better.

Getting Your Boyfriend Admitted to Alcohol Rehab

If you are ready to find treatment options for yourself or a loved one, get started right now with our free rehab locator tool. Find addiction treatment facilities that take insurance, inpatient rehabs, outpatient rehab programs, and more.

How to Help Your Boyfriend With Alcohol Addiction