If you have a friend that drinks too much, you might be feeling like there is not much you can do to help. You might even be feeling confused or hopeless, however there is hope. There are several things you can be doing to help your friend. With your support, your friend may start feeling empowered enough to ask for and accept professional help.

Is My Friend an Alcoholic?

There are many different signs for how to tell if your friend’s drinking has crossed into the realm of alcohol misuse. Having an occasional drink is not a problem, but if your friend is drinking heavily or seems to be unable to control how much they drink, these may be symptoms of alcohol misuse or alcohol addiction. If your friend becomes violent when drinking, drives while drunk, or drinks at inappropriate times, these behaviors may also indicate a problem.

Signs a Friend May Drink Too Much

If you feel that your friend may have a problem with alcohol, do not ignore your instincts or try to excuse away their behavior. While only a doctor or licensed addiction specialist can diagnose someone with alcohol use disorder (AUD), there are signs that you can look for that can let you know when it’s time to reach out for help. That said, some signs a friend is addicted to drinking can include:¹

Using alcohol in higher amounts or more often than intended
Continuing to drink alcohol despite recurring social or interpersonal problems caused or exacerbated by alcohol
Continuing to drink alcohol despite being aware that it exacerbates or is causing a recurrent physical or mental health problem
Experiencing urges and cravings to drink alcohol
Using alcohol in situations that are physically hazardous
Spending a great deal of time obtaining, consuming, and recovering from alcohol
Tolerance, or requiring larger amounts of alcohol to achieve the desired effects
Experiencing withdrawal symptoms when drinking stops, such as nausea, tremors, insomnia, etc.

How to Talk to a Friend About Their Drinking Habits

In order to figure out how to help an alcoholic friend and get them the support they need, it can be helpful to learn more about alcohol addiction and alcohol misuse. The more aware you are of certain signs and symptoms, the easier it will be for you to spot problematic behaviors in your friend, and in turn, start thinking about how to approach them with your concerns.

Preparing yourself in advance of talking with your friend about their drinking is a good way to help ease any nerves or put to rest any doubts you may have. Be ready to approach your friend with a kind, understanding tone as opposed to one that is accusatory or angry. Plan to speak with them when they are not under the influence and in a setting that allows you both to fully concentrate on the conversation.² Additionally, consider the following:²

Use direct but empathic “I” statements. For example, you could say, “I understand that you are struggling, but I am concerned about you.”
Express your concerns directly—don’t beat around the bush. Focus on concrete, observable behaviors and consequences.
Listen to your friend’s thoughts and concerns without interrupting. Ask them how they are feeling and what you can do to help.
Be patient and don’t give up hope. It could take a few tries before they’re ready to seek help.

What Not to Say a Friend When Talking About Their Drinking

Just as there are things you should focus on saying when talking to your friend about their drinking, there are also certain things you should try to avoid during this conversation. Consider steering clear from the following:³

Avoid ultimatums or threats. This could cause increased frustration and difficulty, because they may become defensive or combative.
Don’t lecture or criticize. Again, this can cause your friend to become defensive and be much less willing to hear what you’re saying.
Avoid blame. Remember that words like “addict” or “alcoholic” are stigmatizing and can make your friend feel attacked.
Avoid confrontations. Research shows that confrontational interventions are not likely to help and could actually make the situation worse. Instead, when talking to your friend about their drinking, you could encourage them to talk to a doctor if they won’t talk to you.

Helping vs Enabling a Friend’s Alcohol Addiction

An important part of helping your friend is ensuring that you are not enabling their behaviors. Examples of enabling behaviors can include:⁴

Lying for your friend to cover up their drinking.
Supplying your friend with alcohol, money for alcohol, or transportation to buy alcohol.
Engaging in arguments when your friend is under the influence.
Taking over your friend’s responsibilities.

Developing an awareness about enabling behaviors and avoiding them at all costs can make a major difference in your efforts to help your friend. Not only will you no longer be keeping them from seeing the extent of the damage their alcohol misuse is causing, but you will also be able to focus more on positive ways to get them to accept help. Helping a friend who drinks too much can include actions such as encouraging treatment, offering to call local treatment centers for them, taking them to a doctor’s appointment, and so on.

How to Help An Alcoholic Friend

If your friend agrees that they have a problem, but is unsure how to stop drinking, you can help your friend by discussing potential solutions.

Below are a few ways to help a friend struggling with alcohol addiction or what to do when your friend drinks too much.

Learn about addiction to become better informed on the disease and what the person may be going through.
Talk to a professional such as your primary care physician or an addiction specialist to learn ways on how to discuss the situation with your friend.
Choose a time to talk to you friend when they are sober and ideally in a comfortable setting in which they feel safe.
Set boundaries with them. While you can’t make them quit drinking, it is important to protect yourself from the negative consequences of their behavior.
Practice self-care and know that their decision to either continue or stop drinking isn’t something you can control. Be patient with them and yourself.

Resources for Friends & Family of Alcoholics

One of the best resources for friends and family members of those who are struggling with an alcohol problem is Al-Anon. Al-Anon offers support groups in local towns and cities across the nation for loved ones of someone with an alcohol problem. There, participants can share their testimonies, learn from others, obtain encouragement, and offer support to others.

Taking care of yourself while your friend is dealing with alcohol misuse is vital. By attending Al-Anon groups or other support groups in your area, as well as ensuring that you are getting enough rest, eating well, and continuing to participate in doing things you enjoy, you can help preserve the emotional and mental strength needed to support your friend through this difficult time.

How to Get a Friend Into Alcohol Rehab

In order to help your friend accept help and go to rehab, it can be beneficial to have some information on hand about treatment centers and how it works so that you can help your friend understand the process. This can include learning more about programming options such as detox, inpatient treatment, and outpatient treatment, as well as what may be available in your area at the current moment.

It can also be beneficial to offer your support to your friend in ways that promote the betterment of their wellbeing. For example, this can include offering to go to one or more AA meetings with them, or offer to help them with daily errands or tasks while they are in rehab. You can also offer to make phone calls and fill out paperwork related to rehab admissions if the thought of that process if overwhelming for your friend.

Support is within reach, and you do not need to go through this alone. If you are ready to find treatment options for yourself or a loved one, get started right now with our free rehab locator tool. Find addiction treatment facilities that take insurance, inpatient rehabs, outpatient rehab programs, and more.

How to Help a Friend With Alcohol Addiction