If you are concerned about your girlfriend’s drinking, seeking help early can lower the risk of many problems, including physical and mental challenges and relationship problems. It is important to know that help is available to both you and to her. Addiction can feel lonely and hopeless. Fortunately, there is hope, and you don’t have to go through this alone.

This page will talk about what to do if you think your girlfriend drinks too much, including what signs to look for, how to approach them with your concerns, and how to help them find treatment.

Understanding Alcohol Addiction

Alcohol addiction, also known clinically as alcohol use disorder (AUD), is a chronic brain disease, and recovering from it can be a complex process. It isn’t as simple as “just quitting.” AUD is defined as a medical disease that results in an inability to stop or control alcohol use despite the significant personal, professional, and health-related problems it causes.¹ Symptoms of AUD can range from mild to severe and are based on several factors, such as the amount of alcohol used, length of alcohol use, age, and other variables.

If you have a girlfriend who drinks too much and may possibly be struggling with an AUD, you understand that addiction doesn’t just affect the person struggling with the disorder, it impacts the entire family. The negative effects of addiction are far-reaching and don’t remain confined to the person with the AUD.

Signs Your Girlfriend May Struggle With Alcohol Addiction

Being aware of what the signs of alcohol addiction are can be important, especially if you are concerned that your girlfriend is addicted to alcohol. While only a licensed mental health professional or doctor can diagnose someone with an AUD, knowing some of these signs can help you determine when it is time to reach out for professional help.

Alcohol use disorder is diagnosed by mental health and addiction professionals through the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders- 5th Edition (DSM-5). Some of the signs and symptoms of alcohol addiction include:¹

Drinking more alcohol than intended or for longer than intended.
Cutting back on activities that were once pleasurable and replacing them with drinking or drinking-related activities.
Continuing to drink alcohol despite it causing problems in relationships with friends or family.
Getting into dangerous or risky situations because of drinking.

You may also notice signs that your girlfriend is addicted to drinking if she spends a significant amount of time obtaining, using, and recovering from alcohol as well as experiencing a decline in work and/or school performance.¹If you think your girlfriend needs help, know that there are several things you can do to get her into the right hands.

How to Help Your Girlfriend With Alcohol Addiction

Loving someone struggling with AUD can leave you feeling confused and powerless. You may be left wondering how to approach your partner and what to say about your concerns. It can feel like you’re walking a tightrope, not wanting to say something that will offend your partner but at the same time feeling desperate to help.

However, having a conversation with your girlfriend is essential if you are trying to get them professional help. Prior to speaking with them, consider the following steps:²

Pick and appropriate time and place. The setting should be private and calm, and the conversation should be conducted when you and your loved one are in a relaxed headspace.
Make sure she is sober. If your girlfriend is under the influence and you attempt to have a conversation as important as this with her, chances are the outcome will be poor. Wait to have this talk with her until she is sober.
Be direct and discuss your concerns from a place of caring and love. Be direct with your concerns, however ensure that you remain gentle in your approach, as well as non-judgmental. Remind your girlfriend that you care for them and want what is best for them.
Actively listen to your girlfriend and validate her feelings. Don’t blame or judge your girlfriend for their responses to this conversation, but simply validate how she is feeling. This shows her that you want to support her rather than confront her.
Offer to help. Ask what you can do to help and offer assistance where needed.
Be patient. Change takes time, so be sure to set your expectations accordingly.

Understanding effective and ineffective ways to talk to your girlfriend can be the difference between her actively hearing your concerns or becoming defensive. Use this moment to set a positive, support tone for how you want to handle this situation.

How to Talk to your Girlfriend About Alcohol

As previously stated, effective communication with your girlfriend involves being an active listener and validating. Validating is acknowledging your girlfriend’s truth, including her feelings and thoughts. You don’t necessarily have to agree or like what your girlfriend says to validate it, but don’t judge her. If she feels judged, she may become defensive about her drinking, which can impede communication and recovery.

What to say to your significant other about their drinking:²

“Can we talk? I’ve been concerned about you.”
“It seems to me like you are struggling with some things. What can I do to help?”
“I feel like you haven’t been your usual self lately. Do you want to tell me what’s going on? I’m here to help and listen”
“I love you and care about you.”
“How can I best support you right now?”

If your girlfriend is addicted to alcohol, she needs your support now more than ever. Including some of the statements above into your conversations about her drinking habits with her can help you start this process on the right foot.

What Not to Say to Your Girlfriend About Her Drinking

Common pitfalls that can impact your ability to effectively communicate with your partner about alcohol use can include lecturing and being critical or judgmental. Communicating with your partner doesn’t have to be critical, aggressive, or hostile. Effective communication includes strategies mentioned above, such as offering help and support and expressing concerns from a place of care and concern.³

Things to avoid during conversation if you think your girlfriend is addicted to alcohol include:³

Don’t be aggressive, hostile, or negative. Keep a calm demeanor and voice, don’t name-call or judge your loved one, and adopt a perspective of hope.
Don’t be confrontational or blame your partner. Remember that words such as “alcoholics” and “drunk” can be harmful. Instead, use factual observations to describe concerning behaviors. For example, “I have noticed that you have been going to the bar instead of going to your yoga class.”
Don’t lecture or criticize. Lecturing your partner about past mistakes or what could happen in the future can be triggering and counterproductive for your partner.
Don’t enable your partner. Enabling refers to protecting your loved one from the negative consequences of their substance use.

Support for Partners of Alcoholics

Loving someone with AUD is challenging and can take a toll on your mental and physical health. That’s why you must practice self-care. It is tough to be a source of strength and support to your loved one if you’re exhausted.

Counseling and support groups, such as Al-Anon, SMART, and Recovery Family and Friends, can be a source of strength and support for you. Support groups can be a great resource for you to learn how to care for yourself and to learn effective coping strategies to help you effectively deal with your loved one.⁴ Support groups can also help you to healthily detach from your partner’s alcohol use and stop enabling behaviors.⁴

Enabling behaviors that protect your loved one from the consequences of their alcohol use can include:⁶

Lying for them.
Making excuses for their behavior.
Paying their bills or other financial assistance.

Setting boundaries is the opposite of enabling and communicates to your girlfriend what your limits are around her behavior. Using “I” statements is effective in setting boundaries. Examples include:

“I will not lie to your friends, family, or coworkers about your drinking any longer.”
“I won’t bail you out of jail.”
“I will not pay your rent anymore.”

Finding an Alcohol Rehab For Your Girlfriend

There are many different alcohol addiction treatment options available to your girlfriend, including:⁶

Alcohol Detox: Short-term, medical supervision during withdrawal to keep your girlfriend safe and as comfortable as possible while preparing her for the next phase of treatment.
Inpatient alcohol rehab: 24/7 supervision that focuses on strengthening sobriety and learning how to live in recovery. Length can range from short-term to long-term, depending on the facility and your partner’s recovery needs.
Outpatient alcohol addiction treatment: This is the least intensive form of treatment. You attend therapy and other treatment sessions on an outpatient basis while adhering to your daily responsibilities at home.

The best treatment setting for your girlfriend depends on many factors unique to her, such as the severity of her AUD, her insurance coverage, and her physical and mental health. If you have tried to encourage your girlfriend to get help and she has refused, you could try the CRAFT approach.

The Community-Reinforcement and Family Training (CRAFT) approach is a strategy that family members use to help motivate their loved one to enter treatment through contingency management, life enrichment, communication skills training, and motivation building.⁷ The CRAFT approach works with the family to develop the skills necessary to effectively communicate and motivate the loved one to get the help they need and how to respond when they refuse.

Get Help For Your Girlfriend or Partner Today

American Addiction Centers (AAC) has alcohol treatment facilities and programs throughout the country. AAC can help your girlfriend find a suitable treatment program and will work with her to create a treatment plan that is specific to her needs and recovery goals.

Help is available to you and your girlfriend. Call to speak with a trained and compassionate admissions navigator today. Our admissions navigators can help answer questions you may have about the treatment process and can even help verify your insurance coverage. You and your girlfriend deserve help and support. Call AAC today.

How to Help Your Girlfriend or Fiance With Alcohol Addiction