If you’re concerned about your wife’s drinking, you may have struggled to find ways to help her. It’s normal and understandable to want to help because you care about her wellbeing and you want her to be happy and healthy. Seeking help early may help lower her risk of many alcohol-related problems, including severe mental and physical health concerns, relationship and family issues, and more.¹

This article will help you understand more about about alcohol addiction, as well as explain different ways that you can help your spouse.

Understanding Alcohol Addiction and Dependence

Healthcare professionals refer to alcohol addiction as an alcohol use disorder (AUD).¹AUD is a chronic disease that can cause lasting changes in the brain and body.^1,2These changes can make it hard for a person to stop drinking, and many people continue to consume alcohol to avoid withdrawal symptoms.^1,2

AUD can impact a person’s thoughts and behaviors to the point where they are unable to control their alcohol use. People with AUD cannot “just stop drinking” on their own; it can require multiple attempts at treatment, support, and dedication to start and maintain lasting recovery.¹

Does My My Wife Drink Too Much?

If you are concerned that your wife is addicted to alcohol, chances are your concerns haven’t developed out of the blue. Despite your concerns, though, you may be unsure if the manner in which your wife is consuming alcohol is problematic or not. While only a healthcare professional can diagnose someone with AUD, being aware of some signs that your wife is addicted to drinking can help you gauge the severity of the potential problem.

Signs Your Wife May Struggle With Alcohol Addiction

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), some of the diagnostic criteria for alcohol addiction include the following:¹

Drinking more or for longer periods of time than originally intended
Wanting to cut down on alcohol intake or stop drinking entirely, but being unable to do so
Experiencing cravings or strong urges to drink alcohol
Failing to fulfill responsibilities at work, home, and/or school due to pre-occupation with alcohol use
Continued alcohol use despite being aware that it is exacerbating or causing a mental or physical health problem
Drinking alcohol in situations that are physically hazardous, such as while operating a vehicle

How to Help Your Wife or Spouse With Alcohol Addiction

While it’s not your responsibility to get your wife to stop drinking, your encouragement and support may motivate her to seek help.³Therefore, it is important to approach her with your concerns in a manner that will hopefully produce positive outcomes rather than defensive behavior and further discord.

1. Talking to Your Wife About Her Drinking

Helpful, productive ways to speak with your spouse about your concerns include:^3,4

Being direct and honest. Let your wife know that you are concerned about the impact her drinking is having on her life and your relationship. Use “I” statements, such as “I am concerned about you,” rather than stigmatizing or critical statements like “you’re becoming an alcoholic.”
Listening to her feelings. Let your wife know that her feelings are valid and express a desire to hear what she has to say without judgment.
Offering to help. Tell your spouse you’re willing to help her do what it takes, such as scheduling a doctor’s appointment for an evaluation, calling treatment centers, or going with her to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings. You could also offer to attend family or group therapy or provide whatever additional support she may need.
Being patient and calm. It can take several attempts at the conversation, so don’t force things if she’s not yet ready or willing to hear you.

When it comes to talking to your wife about her alcohol use, there are certain things you want to avoid in order to make this conversation as harmonious as possible. For example:

Don’t lecture or criticize her. This can cause her to shut down or become defensive, and no one wants to be told what to do or what they’re doing wrong.
Don’t be confrontational. Research shows that confrontational interventions can cause defensiveness, and your wife may be less willing to hear what you have to say. Instead, encourage her to at least talk to her doctor if she doesn’t want to talk to you.⁵
Don’t blame her. It’s important to let your wife know that you see she’s struggling and that you only want to help her get better.
Don’t enable her. This means avoiding actions and activities that seem like helping but only perpetuate her alcohol use.

2. Helping vs Enabling Your Wife’s Drinking Habits

Taking care of yourself is important because living with a spouse who is addicted to alcohol is challenging, and your needs matter, too. Plus, if you’re exhausted or drained, you’re going to be much less equipped to help your wife. You might consider seeking counseling, which can provide a safe place for you to talk about your feelings and discuss ideas about ways to support your wife.

As mentioned above, it’s important to stop enabling your wife’s alcohol use. Enabling behaviors can include:³

Calling in sick to work for her when she’s hungover.
Buying alcohol for her or giving her money to do so.
Making excuses to family or loved ones about her alcohol use.
Paying her bills or legal fees.
Drinking alcohol with her or around her.

Setting boundaries is another important tool to help you stay safe and healthy. Good boundaries let your wife know what you will and will not tolerate. This protects you and helps her understand the limits in your relationship, which can set the stage for a healthier, and ultimately happier, relationship. You can say things such as:³

“I will not lie to our friends or family about your drinking anymore.”
“I will not call in sick for you anymore.”
“I will not give you money to buy alcohol anymore.”
“I do not want to be around you when you’re drinking.”

3. Finding Alcohol Rehab Programs for Your Wife

There are many different treatment options that can help your wife recover from alcohol addiction. The type of treatment that is right for her can depend on her unique needs, such as:

The severity of her alcohol use.
Her overall health.
Whether she uses other substances.
Her insurance coverage.

Rehabs typically offer a variety of therapies and medications to help someone recover from alcohol addiction. Common settings for alcohol addiction rehab include:⁵

Detox. This is often the first step in the recovery process. It can help your wife safely stop drinking, go through withdrawal in a supportive environment, and help her become medically stable so she can enter further treatment.
Inpatient rehab. Your wife will live onsite for the duration of treatment and get 24/7 care, support, and monitoring.
Outpatient rehab. Your wife will live at home and attend rehab on a set schedule.

Resources and Support for Spouses of Alcoholics

Getting help for yourself while your wife is struggling with active alcohol addiction is critical. Some ways that you can obtain effective support can include:

Attending Al-Anon. To put it simply, Al-Anon is the family member’s version of Alcoholics Anonymous, or AA. Meetings are held in local communities throughout the country where individuals dealing with the effects of a loved one’s alcoholism can get support.
Getting therapy. If you do not already have a therapist, finding one who can help you through this time is ideal. If you do have a therapist, speak with them to determine if you need to increase the amount of sessions you have or if you need to change gears to better support your current challenge.

Get Help For Your Wife or Partner Today

If you are ready to find treatment options for yourself or a loved one, get started right now with our free rehab locator tool. Find addiction treatment facilities that take insurance, inpatient rehabs, outpatient rehab programs, and more.

How to Help Your Wife or Partner With Alcohol Addiction